HOW ART SIDETRACKED MY BLOG AND MY LIFE

Ok - its a long time since I posted on this blog and I feel guilty! Not because I have people clamouring to see more of my writing, but because I started out so enthusiastically and only did two blog posts. The main reason is that I got side-tracked by Art.

At a Wise Woman Weekend in Leitrim in 211, I innocently took an 'Art for Fun' workshop, painted some pictures and found myself hooked right out of my usual creative rut and into a brand new love affair. Before this moment I had always been expressing my creative self in visual ways: making papier mache boxes, weaving complex wool mandalas, sewing a patchwork quilt, making my own Solstice/Christmas cards every year. But mostly I was writing. Or, to be more accurate, mostly I was not-writing. Starting novels with months of plotting and planning, badgering myself to write, feeling bad about not writing, managing a few thousand words. Actually I have 30,000 words for two, or maybe even three, novels. Then... nothing. Just getting stuck and moving onto something else. Like pushing a huge rock uphill. When I sat to write, sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was satisfying, but mostly it was hard hard hard.

So I put my energy into counselling and tried to forget about my inner frustrated creative self. Until the workshop with wonderful Merovee, who saw my joy and encouraged me to go home and paint. Which I did - and when the joy didn't wear off I found myself applying for a FETAC course in Art and Design.

Concerned about doing a full-time course I opted for part-time, which would usually take 2 years. It was amazing to be painting and drawing 2 days a week. So, even though I would only have done half of a FETAC, I applied for a degree in Fine Art at Sligo IT - my local institute of higher education and, realistically, the only one I can attend. When I found I had been accepted I went through an agony of indecision. Could I really do a full-time course? And still do my counselling work? Would I just be exhausted? Is it crazy for a 54 year old woman to do an art degree? What do I want from it - paid work (not likely)? A hobby (bit of an overkill if that's all it means to me)? And on it went....

In the end i just accepted that i wanted the discipline of having to do art every day. That I was excited by the thought of being taught new skills and offered new ideas about how to explore the world and myself through the visual. I wanted to be creative alongside other people struggling to express themselves. And as for all the reasons for NOT doing it? I did my decision making process - I sat and thought 'I accept the place and do a degree' - and felt really excited. Then I thought 'I don't accept the place and keep doing what I'm doing' and felt a wave of disappointment. So that decided me. And here I am. Painting and taking photos and looking forward to my second year.

And back on my blog. Which I now want to take wider, to include art and psychotherapy, and everything else I'm into and up to. A kind of personal online diary, for anyone who's interested, and for me to keep my writing going. Because since doing more visual creative stuff I've been writing a lot less, and I'm greedy and want to do it all. At least a bit.

Spring Cleaning - De-Cluttering Your Inner Life

The great winds of spring are both a paean of victory and something of a farewell. Winter is gone and good riddance; it is indeed time for something else,...
Henry Beston, Northern Farm

Today the sun poured it’s blessings from a blue sky. The daffodils trumpet their yellow song whilst the tulips take their time and bees drone up and down the furry willow stems. Spring calls me out into the green and tells me: take a break, unfold yourself into the light, breathe, dance slowly until you catch the rhythm, it’s time to come alive. 

Confessions of domestic chaos

For many years – from being a teenager until well into my thirties - I tolerated my own messiness. I told myself that I liked the clutter, the piles of clothes, the books lying face-down and open at a vital page, the higgledy piggledy of a hundred and one things not put away. But then I realised: when I wake up in a clear, bright space I feel better. Somehow the way that my home looks affects the way I feel about life and gives me room to make plans and do stuff, without spending hours looking for a working pen, a needle and thread, a clean pair of pants, or whatever else I need in order to get going. That clear space gives me space to think, and gives me the pleasure of being able to appreciate the colour I chose to paint my walls (I like vivid, not pastel), the objects and pictures that I love.

But this is not a post about spring cleaning your home, I leave that to domestic gods and goddesses (I may have got the hang of a tidier home but I still have quite a high tolerance for grubby!)

What interests me is this – if cleaning and tidying our physical space allows us to think more clearly, is it possible to do something similar with our minds?

The First Step to A Clearer Brighter Mind

Well, without actually advising you on 1001 uses for vinegar, I think the first step might be the physical cleaning and tidying. Because it does make life seem more manageable and give space for thought. So grab the buckets, brooms and brushes. But make it fun to do and make sure you don’t do too much at one time. Put on your favourite music (loud), put drops of your favourite essential oils in all the cleaning water and dance your way to a fresher space. Imagine you’re sweeping all your old stuff – mental, emotional, spiritual baggage as well as physical dirt – out of your life. Making room for something new.

Now Your Room is Sparkling…

If you really want to clear your mind of old patterns, habits and thoughts that no longer serve your well-being, you will have to be patient. Unlike the domestic spring cleaning, de-cluttering your mind is an ongoing process.

Most of us don’t really like change, even though we want it. We tend to cling to what is familiar, and so we get stuck in old ways of being, afraid to let go of what we know and venture into the unknown. Firstly, you must acknowledge this and be kind to yourself. Be as patient and caring as if it is your best friend you are helping.

The Power of the List

How my logical left-brain self loves a list! And if you don’t use lists then I suggest you give it a go. For our de-cluttering campaign lists can be used for several purposes:

• Make an honest appraisal of where you are stuck emotionally, behaviourally, spiritually. And write it all down.

     What is holding you back from being really alive?

     Are you clinging to a relationship or situation that no longer serves

     your best interests?

     Are you still carrying baggage from your past, which affects how you

     deal with the present?

     Are you stuck in self-destructive behaviours?

     Have your spiritual practices become empty?

• Make a list of goals. What do you want to achieve?

     Make your goals positive – rather than ‘I am going to stop shouting at my partner’ try ‘I am going to nurture a more positive and loving       relationship with my partner’.

     Keep your goals SMART. That’s:

     S-Specific; M-Measurable; A-Achievable; R-Realistic; T-Time-Bound.

Now You Know What You Don’t Want…

Now you need another inventory: of resources that can help you with these changes. Don’t be too ambitious with the SMART goals. Give yourself plenty of time and make small changes – they will add up, and you’re much more likely to be successful. When we successfully make a change, we build our confidence and our ability to make more changes.

Look within yourself – have you ever successfully dealt with a similar issue in the past? How did you do it? Perhaps you just think you’re stuck, when all along you had the power to change right there, in the filing system of your mind. If you really don’t think you have what it takes to make the changes on your own, consider help. Here are some ideas:

• Books, magazines, movies, online videos, articles and self-help sites on the internet – all good sources of helpful ideas for change;
• Your friends – they may want to make some changes too and you could support each other;
• Self-help groups – like AA, NA, AlAnon, Bereavement groups, Women’s groups etc (try the library or community centre boards for useful information on local groups);
• If you require support and trained help with some of your issues – look for a counsellor/psychotherapist who you can trust;
• Learning physical skills that help free the mind like: yoga, relaxation, tai chi, five rhythms dancing etc;
• Meditation – just 10 minutes a day will work magic in helping you let go of all your unnecessary stuff;
• Tuning in – take a moment, whenever you remember, to tune into the present. What are you feeling? Thinking? Experiencing through your senses? What’s going on around you? It’s like a holiday from your preoccupations!
• Learn to set boundaries and say ‘No’ to other people’s demands. Allow yourself the time to relax, to go within and sort out your priorities for life;
• Start a journal/diary and write down all your thoughts. Be really honest and you may learn a great deal about yourself;
• Take a break every hour or so and just tune in (see above) take some deep breaths, move your body around, shake out the tension, come home to yourself;
• Spend time in the natural world: walking down a leafy lane, sitting under a tree, gardening, going to the beach, star-gazing. Nature is healing and given the chance she can put many of our woes in perspective;
• Spend time loafing around, doing absolutely nothing. It’s good for you!

Judgement

As I have been putting this post together I’ve had one tarot card in my mind the whole time. So rather than think of any others that are relevant to this theme of letting go of the old to make way for the new I’m just going to write a few words about the card that’s usually called Judgement.

In traditional tarot decks this card is based on the Christian myth that at the end of the world all the dead will rise to be judged by God. The card usually depicts an angel blowing a trumpet and the dead rising up. But there is no judgement in the card – it is full of joy and celebration. Here we find resurrection, rebirth and redemption. It is about a profound awakening to the unlimited possibilities of life. This card heralds a great positive change, a spiritual awakening and offers blessing and guidance. It seems to go with the whole idea of liberating ourselves from the past and waking up to the present with all its gifts.

I hope some of these ideas for mental, emotional and spiritual de-cluttering might be helpful. I have tried them all at some time and found each of them to work in a different way. Of course, I am still working on my own de-cluttering, and I think it’s an ongoing process – part of our dance towards wholeness and being fully alive.

If you like this why not check out my website? http://www.inner-self.ie

Wishing you wisdom and joy

Rachel

    

Emotional Balance and Spring Equinox

Hello dear reader! This is my first blog and quite a long one. If you find it enjoyable or useful then please leave a comment. Let’s get more dialogue going – especially in the Irish community – about everything to do with finding a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Here we are, Spring is coming and in Ireland we have a new government. Most of us are hoping like mad that our new leaders will be able to sort out the mess we’re in. Hoping that we and other people like us won’t have to lose our homes or watch anymore adult children leaving for faraway places that might provide a better life. With the death of the Celtic Tiger has come the shadow of debt and unemployment. Of course, Ireland has big economic problems and no government can solve them overnight. But there is a taste of Spring in the air – the time of renewal – and with hopes for a better future, my thoughts have turned to balance at the end of winter.

What is Emotional Balance?

Today I was chatting with a shop assistant about how lovely the weather was and she said, ‘just look at what’s going on in the middle-east, and the earthquake in New Zealand – there’s nothing extreme here – its wonderful.’ Perhaps ‘no extremes’ is one way to describe balance.

Suddenly I have an image of that French guy who strung a line between the two buildings of the World Trade Centre and walked across it. He held a long pole and would occasionally tilt scarily to one side, but then use the pole to regain his balance. So perhaps balance is being able to get back to equilibrium even when you have tilted a long way in one direction. One of my favourite symbols for balance is the yin/yang symbol, which not only expresses the balance of opposites, but also the way that each holds the seed of the other.

We all know how it feels to lose emotional balance, so how do we learn to recover our balance and live our lives from a grounded, calm, emotionally integrated centre? As with many other aspects of life – you have to work at knowing yourself. Look at the areas where you regularly find your feelings overwhelming you, or leading you to act in ways you regret. Different people are vulnerable in different ways:

• Do you get infuriated when someone behaves like an idiot on the road, and still feel enraged 20 kilometres later?
• Do you feel yourself close to tears if a colleague at work criticises you, and still feel upset when you get home?
• Do you feel the weight of the world pulling you into despair over the plight of desperate people on the news?
• Do you get through the day OK but if your child plays up in the evening you totally blow a fuse?

When my kids were small it was often their behaviour that would cause me to shout and rage, going red in the face and frightening them, and me, half to death. Even thinking about it now makes me ashamed. Gradually I have got to know myself and how to cool down before the pressure cooker explodes. And much of this skill is about tuning into your body.

Feeling it in the Body

All emotions start in our bodies. If you look inside when you are feeling a strong emotion you will be able to identify a mixture of sensations – rapid heart beat, dry mouth, a lump in the throat, a tingle in your scalp, tense muscles, an ache in the belly, shallow breathing – the particular sensations vary from feeling to feeling and person to person.

The very act of taking a moment to observe how your emotions are manifesting in your body can begin to change their power to unbalance you. For the calm observer within (sometimes called ‘the witness’) is allowing you to step back from your emotions and view them more clearly as a result.

I’m sure you probably know already all the things we’re supposed to do to stay physically healthy – exercise for 30 minutes 5 times a week, eat 5 portion of fruit and veg every day, get enough sleep, find enjoyable ways to relax. Well, trying to stay healthy physically helps us to stay emotionally balanced as well. Because the emotions begin in the body.

Sometimes just having something to eat or going for walk can help put things in perspective. And having perspective on the importance of any situation is another way to regain emotional balance. It might be infuriating for someone to point out that missing a goal in a game of football with your mates because a dog ran onto the pitch is nothing compared with the loss of your home or a friendship – still it’s true, and puts the game into focus.

What does Spring Equinox have to do with Emotional Balance?

There is something about the Spring Equinox – around 21st March every year – that makes it a very good time to work on balance in our lives. To begin with it’s just long enough after Paddy’s Day for the hangover to have cleared! And perhaps we’re more receptive to the idea of moderation.

Looking at the Wheel of the Year, Spring Equinox is halfway between Winter and Summer Solstice, when day and night grow equal in length, and therefore represents Balance. It’s a good time to let go of what is old and done with – such as old patterns of behaviour, and invite new ideas and actions into our lives.

There is something very powerful about symbolic action, and such personal rituals are great to perform on or around festivals like Spring Equinox:

• If you feel like you are too passive and need more energy and creative force in your life – light a candle, or better still, have a fire outside and invite the warmth and vibrancy of fire into your life.
• If you feel you are too fiery and need to calm down – go to the beach, or sit by a river and listen to the water, inviting it’s gentle rhythm into your life.
• If you are studying or just in need of clear thinking – choose a windy day to climb a hill and feel the tug of air – inviting the vision and clarity of high places into your life.
• If you find you are too disconnected, impractical or dreamy – get your hands into the earth and plant some seeds, or take off your shoes and walk barefoot, allowing yourself to reconnect with the earth and inviting that grounding, practical energy into your life.

There is no right way to invoke balance at Equinox – there’s lots of fun and learning in designing an exercise that can help you understand and accept your emotions, without them taking over.

This is not about suppressing what you feel. It’s about honestly looking at yourself, knowing where your emotions become overwhelming, and working to find ways to express them and move on. It’s also about becoming aware that we EXPERIENCE emotions but we ARE NOT those emotions.

Last week I watched the movie – Black Swan. The central character is a young dancer who is utterly dedicated to dancing, with little else in her life, obedient to teachers and to her dominant mother who keeps her like a little girl. This passive, intense and lopsided existence eventually gives way to a manifestation of it’s opposite – a mad, wild, deranged aspect of the girl that will no longer be denied and brings her to a terrible place. One way to read the story is as a warning against living an unbalanced emotional life.

Tarot and Balance

In the tarot there are 22 cards which are called the Major Arcana. These represent forces and experiences in life that are universal and archetypal. Two of the major cards deal specifically with human emotional balance.

Justice is usually represented by a woman holding a pair of scales that are in equilibrium. She has the ability to think clearly and develop a balanced mind, to weigh one thing against another and make an informed decision, to know what is right and fair. In justice we move towards a centre of balance, guided by truth. Although Justice is depicted as female, this kind of balance is very much about civilisation, the constraint of society and perhaps a masculine ideal.

Temperance is usually represented by an angel pouring water from one vessel to another. Whereas Justice is balance of the mind, Temperance is a balanced heart – kind and merciful. Her pouring water is the constantly changing flow of emotions: blending, modifying and healing. There is a sense in this card of all things being constantly adjusted to maintain the balance, and of learning through trial and error how to do this. It is a more nurturing and feeling way of balance.

The Scales of Ma’at

This concept appears in the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead. Ma’at (Truth) is a goddess who presides over a set of scales. When a person dies they are brought to Ma’at who places their heart on one side of the scales and a feather on the other. Only those whose heart weighs no more than the feather can continue onto the next life, those whose heart is heavier than the feather are devoured by a monster.

Perhaps the goal then of all this emotional balance - of self-knowledge and of looking within with the eyes of the witness – is to enable us to eventually let go of all troubles. To allow emotions to come and go, not clinging to happiness, sorrow or anger, but allowing them to pass through our lives in such a way that our hearts remain free, and light as a feather.

Wishing you wisdom and joy
Rachel